Bisexual people are plain selfish.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
