i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
