i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
