Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
