I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
