Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
