You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
