I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
