nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
