shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So squirting runs in the family.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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