He had one of those small greek statue penises
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
be right there i have to get my cape
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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