hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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