Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
