anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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