No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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