I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
