I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
