1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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