I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
