she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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