Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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