Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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