WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
