Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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