please come you make the beer taste better
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
