I just saw a hot homeless man
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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