This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
