Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
