I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
