it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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