is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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