My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
