I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
