I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
