Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
