Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
