The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
