you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
