Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
