we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
