Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
