my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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