Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
