i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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