I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
