Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
