pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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