Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
