Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
