Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
