I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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