If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
