She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
