Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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