every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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