You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
