Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize