Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
