Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
