brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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