All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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