I cockslap morals
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
