i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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