You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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