It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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