my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
