A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
wow bdsm is so cute
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