I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
