My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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