I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
